Monday, January 2, 2017

Purpose and Projects...20 days without News or Facebook (and 11 days without a Netflix binge).

I cannot believe how much I am getting done...below is a project that I mentioned in my last post. My greenhouse was built two years ago as a birthday present and has stood unfinished since then. Although I've been using it, it was truly unfinished. I spent a day and a half putting up this wall on the north side (the other walls are windows). Thanks to my news fast my mind was empty of distressing things and I was about to let it wander at will. 

As I worked alone, I thought back to when I first learned how to work with wood. It was after my Dad died and Mom and I (out of necessity) had to start learning how to do things for ourselves. Fifteen years ago (or so) she and I tackled replacing some of the siding that was rotting. We learned as we went...we figured it out as we went along. We made lots of mistakes. We figured out how to cut angles...we figured out how to fix PVC spigots when we broke them while we worked...and we worked side by side; which is how it has been ever since.

Salvaged siding (and new scraps before paint).

As I let my mind drift past the significance of my using this siding...the siding from my childhood home, the siding that taught us how to work with thoughts settled on the siding itself. With a gulping sob, I realized that much of this siding was likely the same siding my Dad put up in 1978. My dad was a gardener extraordinaire, so it was all the more poignant that I was using this salvaged siding to build a wall in MY greenhouse. My heart was just a tiny bit broken that afternoon...there are so many things I would like to ask my Dad about many. things.

Part of my childhood home.
 The greenhouse is still not finished, but I have a plan drawn out. It is solitary work and I will get back to it soon. I stopped work on it to work side by side with my husband on an inside project. For ages and ages I wanted to build a Murphy bed. While my dream studio would be one large room with a vaulted ceiling and lots of natural light, I know I'm never going to get that. Instead I'm culling out lots of small spaces to create and daydream and work. I have the greenhouse, the barn, a sewing room, and now I will be able to paint and draw and glue and mess in the guest room and the Murphy bed will allow me more space.

Murphy Bed
We have guests so very rarely and I've had to work around this bed for years. It has been a struggle. This is the room where I cure all my soap and where I make the price tags for bags and animals and such. It has pissed me off over and over that stupid bed, so now I can make it go away!! We finished the bed together and then I took over the building of the shelves on my own (though I will admit to having MANY issues getting started and I asked for help a lot).

Murphy Bed and customized storage.
I struggled and fought with the shelves today, but finally I have finished. In a fit of frustration (when I literally cut something a inch too short AND at a weird angle???) I almost crashed on the couch and turned on Netflix. Almost.

The last 20 days have been very interesting and I'm learning a lot about myself. It seems like when I am bored, anxious, angry, frustrated, etc. I will, instead of just riding out the feelings, seek to erase them with surfing or watching TV. After 20 days, I realize that I just have to feel the feelings and get past it. After 20 days, I realize that I do better when I have an agenda when I get up in the morning.

Aimless doesn't work for me and it makes me anxious...ugly circle, huh?